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  And suddenly it was too much.

  The pain.

  The loss.

  The memories of what I could have had with these people if I hadn’t been so selfish — so afraid.

  I could have been friends with them.

  I could have had a life with them.

  Everything.

  Instead I’d basically made Alec, lead singer of AD2 dive back into addiction — and held his hand while doing it, knowing it was wrong.

  I closed my eyes.

  So much hurt filled the space between me and these people.

  So. Much. Hurt.

  But turning around meant facing the other person I’d hurt, first by accident and then by choice.

  Will touched my back giving me a little shove toward the group. “We’re having a first day of filming barbecue.”

  “Great.” My throat was so dry I sounded like I’d taken up smoking in my spare time.

  “Sis,” Lincoln was the first to approach; he pulled me in for a hug and breathed into my ear. “Just don’t be yourself.”

  It stung more than it should have.

  I was the older sister.

  I was the example.

  And there he was, successful, a damn good actor, in a committed relationship with a girl who actually tolerated him.

  And look at me.

  Still standing there.

  Naked for everyone to see.

  I didn’t realize tears were filling my eyes until it was too late.

  Until Demetri Daniels of all people, with his cocky-as-hell smile stepped forward, pulled me in for an unexpected hug, and lowered his voice, “Remember, in this industry the weak get eaten alive.”

  I didn’t trust myself to speak.

  “Oh, and we don’t hate you.”

  I snorted out a strangled laugh. “That’s… so reassuring.”

  “I thought so.” He winked and walked back to Alyssa, and together they made their way into one of the houses. The smell of barbecue filled the air.

  Alec’s eyes narrowed in on me before he took one step forward, then another. He was bigger than I remember, like becoming a dad had finally forced his muscular body to erupt into its pure masculine glory, his ever-present swagger made it impossible not to look at his tight black jeans or the way they hugged his legs.

  Once, a very long time ago, after the sadness of losing Will had dissipated, Alec Daniels had been a god.

  I gulped as he took his little girl from Nat and approached. My attention was immediately captivated by the tiny bundle in his hands, she was older than I expected, so pretty. Before I could stop myself, I was reaching for her, giving her my hand.

  She grabbed my thumb giggled and bit it just as Demetri walked back outside.

  “Whoa!” I laughed hoarsely. “She’s got teeth.”

  “Six.” Alec’s voice softened. And then he did the strangest thing he handed his baby back to Nat. Her face was indifferent as she took the baby and walked inside, and then Alec, the guy who had the most reasons, next to Will to hate me, pulled me in for the biggest hug I’d ever received, lifting me off the ground and then setting me back, gripping my shoulders with his large hands. “Welcome, home.”

  “Home,” I repeated.

  Will stepped away and barked “what” into his cell.

  “It’s where the heart is, right?” Alec’s one dark eyebrow shot up as he looked between me and Will.

  “Oh.” I gulped. The pain was almost too much to bear. “No, I mean, it’s not like that… if your hate was the moon his would be a burning star.” I lifted my shoulders and let them fall. “His hate is basically Canis Majoris.”

  Alec’s lips twitched and then his gorgeous smile filled the space between us, the once painful space that caused my body to freeze.

  And suddenly my limbs were my own again.

  I felt my body relax.

  My lungs sucked in much needed air.

  Because Alec Daniels was laughing.

  “Yeah well, hate breeds more hate. Sometimes it just takes losing everything that matters most — to realize that it’s not worth it, hm?”

  My eyes narrowed. “You grew up.”

  “I can defrost a chicken.” He shrugged. “And last night I fixed the dishwasher.”

  “What? They break?” This was news to me.

  “Demetri bakes bread.” He offered as we fell into step beside one another.

  “Demetri… bakes.” I gave my head a little shake. “The guy used to have trouble ordering takeout. Alec, the number was on the menu, and he still had trouble.”

  “Chinese intimidates the best of us.”

  “Eh, I think it was the numbers.”

  “It was the freaking bird on the logo, and you know it!” Demetri suddenly interrupted us, his tattooed arms crossed as a scowl darkened his face. “And who the hell names their Chinese restaurant Dirty Bird!”

  How had we make it into the backyard already?

  Lincoln ran over, nearly out of breath. “Who went to Dirty Bird?”

  I pointed to Demetri. “He’s scared of the logo.”

  “The one with the black bird?” Lincoln frowned.

  “Birds are birds,” came Demetri’s explanation as he put on an apron that said “Kiss me I’m one half of AD2.”

  I pointed at the apron. “Christmas present?”

  “To myself. I sew now.” He gave me a completely innocent grin.

  I felt my eyes widen to a painful degree. Do not laugh. Do not make fun of him. They’re being nice. Don’t be yourself. “Wow, that’s… really cool.”

  Everyone burst out laughing.

  “Ang, I’m totally shitting you, I bought it on Etsy.”

  “He knows what Etsy is?” I whispered under my breath so only Alec could hear.

  “Don’t get him started,” was his response before slapping me on the back and walking off, leaving me alone with the gang.

  My eyes greedily searched for something to do, a place to sit, something to help with. Frozen again.

  And then a hand touched my back.

  I knew that hand like I knew my own.

  I turned.

  Will jerked his hand free and slapped a cell onto my palm. “New phone, new number, I can’t have you calling any old contacts and—”

  Special moment completely ruined.

  Embarrassment complete, I jerked it out of his hand and scowled. “Got it. Wouldn’t want me making you look bad.”

  “You do a good enough job with yourself, don’t worry about me.” He snarled.

  Behind him, Demetri held up his hands like who the hell pissed in his Cheerios.

  And then Zane Andrews was running toward me at full speed.

  I had about zero time to dodge him before one of the most gorgeous singers alive scooped me up, tossed me over his shoulder, and carried me into the house.

  I stopped fidgeting when he sat me on my feet.

  “Saved your life. You’re welcome.” He winked then rejoined his girlfriend at the breakfast bar. They had about seven bags of marshmallows and enough Rice Krispies to sell treats at the fair.

  “You guys doing a bake sale?” I awkwardly forced my stance to look relaxed when it was the exact opposite of what I felt, especially since I could feel Will’s presence on the opposite end of the room.

  That’s the thing about love.

  It doesn’t give a shit how uncomfortable.

  How angry.

  How sad.

  How disappointed you are.

  It still demands to be felt.

  And no matter how much history I had with Will — I always felt him.

  It was my cross to bear.

  My curse to carry.

  “So…” Zane leaned his muscled body across the table much to the dismay of Fallon who was trying to mix the ingredients together. “What do I get?”

  “Pardon?” I was still dizzy from all the marshmallows and the fact that Fallon, being a normal, small-town girl was able to breathe around a guy so famous and good look
ing that most girls would sell both kidneys for one night in his arms and die saying it was worth it.

  “Stop pestering her.” Fallon rolled her eyes and gave me a sympathetic look. “He’s annoying — he can’t help himself. Your best bet is to shove a marshmallow in his mouth to keep him from speaking.” She shot him a longing gaze and sighed. “At least he’s pretty.”

  He scolded. “Graduated with honors, babe.”

  “That’s true.” She blushed as he placed a sticky kiss against her neck.

  So out of place I wanted the floor to open up and let me sink down the giant crack.

  I hated that feeling.

  The one of not belonging.

  I’d felt it my entire life.

  Will’s voice rose an octave from the corner of the room as he paced in front of the fireplace and thrust a hand through his wavy golden hair.

  I looked away.

  And forced myself to forget the way his hair had felt between my fingers, just like I purposefully made myself forget the way I’d always felt in his arms.

  Alive and home.

  “I think we lost her,” Zane whispered.

  I jerked my attention back to them. How long had they been staring while I stared longingly at Will?

  Great.

  It had been years since I’d blushed, and yet I felt a really strong one filling my cheeks as Zane looked between us. “It’s okay, you know.”

  “Now what are you talking about?” I snapped in the voice I used when I was annoyed and wanted the other person to back the hell off. Typically it worked.

  But Zane Andrews wasn’t typical.

  He just grinned wider and shrugged. “We all have our shit, Ang.” He tossed another marshmallow in the air. I caught it with my right hand, nearly squishing it between my forefinger and thumb before popping it into my mouth. “Take me for example. I was a virgin before I met this one.” He pulled Fallon in for a side hug, and I choked on my marshmallow. “And I have such bad anxiety that sometimes all I want to do is move into a marshmallow-shaped house and die of sugar consumption.”

  “Like Candy Land.” I nodded needing to fill the awkward conversation with my voice.

  “Right, but with marshmallows.” His grin was so calming, I couldn’t look away. “I mean take a look at Will, the guy still can’t pee standing up. I’ve tried everything, even tossed a few Cheerios in the bowl, but still, the guy lacks the ability to just tug it out and go. Hell, I even bought Froot Loops thinking the colors would help—”

  “The hell are you talking about?” Will snapped.

  The hairs on the back of my arms stood on end as I gulped and waited for him to turn his attention to me and whatever I was doing to piss him off in that second. Instead, he scowled at Zane and crossed his arms.

  Zane grinned. “It’s okay to admit to your friends, man, just because you have to sit down…” His grin widened. “Like a chick…”

  Will pinched the bridge of his nose. “I think I just made Angelica my new favorite client.”

  “And all it took was confessing your deepest darkest secret in front of her and Fallon.” Zane chuckled, and Will joined in.

  My mouth gaped open.

  “Aw, there it is!” Zane slow clapped. “The sexy Sutherland Sunset.”

  Will burst out laughing then charged Zane. “I’m bigger than you.”

  Zane danced sideways, and Will pulled up sharp. “You have maybe ten more pounds of muscle on me. I’m faster, besides aren’t you getting kind of up there in age? Could break a hip then lack the ability to perform in any sexual capacity… and for what? To take a cheap shot at your favorite client? The same one who just hit number one on Billboard?” He shook his head slowly, “What would the agency say?”

  Will paused and then lunged after him. “Screw them, I say it’s worth it.”

  Zane burst out laughing then sprinted outside.

  Will ran after him.

  I dashed to the window just in time to see Will shove Zane into the pool, water went everywhere.

  And then all the guys were jumping in after them.

  I pressed my face against the window and stared.

  Always on the outside looking in.

  Wishing it came that easy for me.

  To just… relax.

  Have fun.

  I swallowed as my throat all but closed up.

  “You should join them.” Fallon said softly from behind me.

  “I um…” God, this was so embarrassing. “I never learned how to swim… at least well enough not to drown when there’re that many bodies creating waves in the pool.” I left out the part explaining that water was attached to another Will memory, just like everything else in my life. It wasn’t that I couldn’t hold my own in the water—it was that every time I had—he’d been there with me.

  “Why don’t you have Will teach you?”

  “More like drown me,” I spat.

  A Rice Krispy treat was thrust in my face. “Zane says it’s the cure for everything — I say it’s the sugar, maybe it will solve everything.”

  I took the treat. “Maybe.”

  But I knew the truth.

  Nothing could fix what had been broken.

  Not a Rice Krispy treat.

  Not even a do over.

  Because that would mean I would have never had any moments with him.

  And those moments were all I had.

  I HAD A plan. A solid plan. Force her into an uncomfortable situation by way of barbecue and exhaust her so much after filming most of the morning that she’d go to sleep and ignore me, ignore the past, ignore all of it while I tried not to lose my mind.

  My plan didn’t work.

  Because I forgot one tiny little thing about my friends, about the people I represented.

  They were extremely forgiving.

  And loyal.

  So if one of them wanted to give someone a chance again, they jumped on board, they were family even, though not all of them were blood.

  By the end of the night, I was the exhausted one, dreaming about my pillow while Angelica sat by the fire with a few of the girls and laughed.

  The first time I heard it, my body went completely still.

  The second time, I thought I was hallucinating.

  And the third time, well the third time, I had no choice but to look in her direction. My breath caught in my lungs because, that laugh. God, that laugh was one of my favorite sounds in the world.

  Or it had been.

  If I could bottle up Angelica’s laugh — her real laugh — I’d be a rich man. She laughed with abandon, throwing her head back, exposing her perfect neck; her body lit up, and her eyes twinkled.

  I wasn’t sure if I was pissed at the girls for forcing her to laugh and reminding me how damn much I’d missed it — or at Angelica for being so insensitive.

  Our first kiss happened because of that laugh.

  I couldn’t help myself.

  I never could when it came to her.

  “Hurry!” I stumbled against the sand nearly colliding with the ground before I picked up my feet and continued sprinting, Angelica hot on my heels. “Ang, you have to hurry!”

  She finally caught up, grabbed my hand, and then jerked me to the side behind a rocky cliff. We fumbled around in the darkness of the cave opening and hid.

  Three girls stopped a few feet from the entrance. “Where did he go? I know it was him! I swear on my life it was Will Sutherland.”

  The girls fell into fits of giggles.

  Angelica pressed her lips together and started fanning herself, then sighed and fluttered her eyelashes up at me.

  “Very funny,” I mouthed.

  One of the girls let out an ear-piercing scream then kicked the sand into the air with her wedge heel. How the hell was she even sprinting in those? “Guys, I swear he made eye contact with me during the concert! If he could just — see me! You know?”

  Angelica nodded silently.

  I elbowed her.

  “Whatever, let�
�s go back to the tour bus and wait.”

  “Shit,” I hissed under my breath.

  “Ride with me.” Angelica suggested in a whisper. “Since I’m your new groupie, we’ll follow the bus.”

  “Really?” Time alone with her was exactly what I needed after getting in a fight with my bandmates over our next album — the one I still told them I didn’t want to record for obvious reasons, I was getting old, and the lifestyle was getting older. Case in point it was one am and all I wanted was to crash and I was running away from teen fans who were convinced all I had to do was see their face and I’d be proposing.

  No thanks.

  “Really.” She grabbed my face with both of her hands. “Holy shit!”

  “What?” I gripped her wrists. “What’s wrong?”

  “Are you the Will Sutherland? With the smile that launched a thousand broken hearts? The guy behind the song Sutherland Sunset?”

  I narrowed my eyes. “I hate you so much right now.”

  “Quick, look at me for like one minute, look into my eyes Will Sutherland, we’re meant to be. I just know it!”

  I didn’t laugh.

  Instead, I did just what she suggested. “I think I just fell under your spell, hey are you the Angelica Greene? Child star turned teen diva? The girl who launched a thousand Abercrombie and Hollister ads with the flick of her wrist? Holy shit! Will you sign my T-shirt? Mom just ironed it tonight so…”

  Her laughter lit up the cave like sunlight, warming me from the inside out. “Okay you win.” She was still laughing when I kissed her with every intention of finding out if her laugh tasted as beautiful as it sounded.

  I suppressed a soft groan.

  Better.

  It tasted better.

  My soul ached when she kissed me back with so much fervor I promised myself in that moment there wouldn’t be another girl for me.

  Ever.

  I’d chased her for a month.

  Filmed with her for a little under two weeks.

  And already.

  I was gone.

  I gave her my heart in that cave.

  She took it without looking back.

  And made eye contact with me the night she crushed it between her fingers.

  I shook the memory and slammed the door behind me. Angelica flinched at my side.

  “So, this is home for the rest of filming huh?” She moved past me and did a quick circle before facing me, hands on hips. “Where am I sleeping?”